I think im going to throw up on grandma
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
