His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's just like the Real World with babies
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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