Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
worst night to have a conscience
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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