You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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