last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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