Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
