he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
