One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
