If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
