but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
