ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
