DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
