Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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