How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
