Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
