her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
