I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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