ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
