Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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