Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
