Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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