He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
