I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
