alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
