You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
