A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
