YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
