Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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