I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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