I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
