if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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