i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
