i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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