carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
