Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
