do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
