what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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