I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
