i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
