We're like a lot better than the average bears
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
