I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
