cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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