the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
