My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
