it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
