So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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