True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
