she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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