just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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