Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
