I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
