bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
